Today i had an appointment with my "work adviser" as part of the "Work Program"
and they are nice people, its all part of a charity that has taken on the uk Goverments Work Program
designed to get lame ducks like me in to some kind of paid work whilst also accepting that
some of us lame ducks find that a little problematic what with the recession gig seemingly over staying
its permitted work hours.
So far so good, but, I have a dilemma,
I subject of today's appointment was ......
mine to be precise,
as the kindly work adviser said, its no good just going off to get any job if its one thats not going to last for you and
you wind up back here three months later ( that was the general gist of the conversation)
so I was asked to go away and have a think about what i might potentially like to do, rather than what I feel I should do ( which is grab any job thats willing to have me for more than half a day)
Trouble is, I know what I want to do, long to do, even quietly prepare to do,
so how do I break it to a lovely kind young person, that all I've ever wanted to do, to be, is,
an Avant-garde cabaret performance artist.
Is there any way of dressing that up till it sounds perfectly average in a career based conversation ?
Or will it just be yet another step towards the inevitable exhaustion of other peoples kindly patience
I seem so adept at using up?
Bites lip, thinks hard.....
it makes sense really, where else can an emotionally unstable, middle aged female, of artistic persuasion flourish
if not in the ever open arms of the arts, and as I cannot physically paint and draw enough to keep me,
and my photography is too expensive for me to print out and flog, then whats left but to flog myself,
in the only way that might constitute a paying profession, with out it leading to anyone else s bitter disappointment!
See I'm a natural for the Avant-garde cabaret performance artist profession.
Self absorbed, mentally ill, unconventional, vulnerable, obsessive, emotional and I like glitter,
what about that says "Not an Avant-garde cabaret performance artist" in the making!
I have experience, I've read almost every thing Quentin Crisp had written, watched several Penny Arcade ( the performance artist not the web comic) videos on you tube, know some of the words to " No Mona Lisa" and have recently graduated to watching David Hoyle performing his work "Daves drop in center" on Ytube.
So see it makes almost logical sense.......
I've got a month till my next appointment to make this sound..........
Bites lip again.
on the other hand,
there are cleaning jobs being advertised at the local private school?
but they are not remotely,
even by my vast imagination
and i think that is really what "My problem", as is so often asked of me!,
I do seem naturally inclined to turn every thing
and any thing that happens to, or around me,
in to a performance !.
Ah the agony of being a much misunderstood
ps, in other news,
I am devastated to learn that i have failed once again to win the Turner prize,
and have fallen out with my CPN ( community psychiatric nurse) though this is not linked to not winning the turner prize,
but because I said our sessions were "Unstructured and lacked focus"
small mental health tip, never say the above to a CPN.......Ever!!!
even if its true.
Bites lip again!